Monday, January 31, 2011

You like coffee? INFIDEL!

I hope you enjoyed your morning cup or your afternoon pick me up, or your evening brew.  Because you’re totally un-American. 
Yeah that’s right…coffee is Middle Eastern.   In fact, and it’s FACT, from 800 A.D. to 1400 A.D., coffee was so popular throughout the Middle East that some marriage contracts required that a husband supply his wife with an adequate allotment of coffee per month, or else she had *GROUNDS* for divorce.
Sometime in the late 1500’s coffee made its way to Pope Clement VII, who was curious about the “devil’s brew” (Muslims have been towing this terrorist line for quite some time as it turns out) and upon LOVING IT, decided that there was no reason for the infidels to have all the fun.  With a short trip to the Baptismal Font, coffee became free of sin for all of us!
So really, it’s tough to be a true American while drinking your Cuppa Joe, or better named:  Cuppa Jihad.  A true patriot grinds up Yaupon Holly, like the Cherokee and Choctaw, and chokes that down in hot water.  Try it out.  It can cause raging diarrhea and vomiting, and honestly what’s more American than that?
This where I’d like to end today’s bit of education, but because my stats tell me I’ve had seven (7!) Canadian views, here’s a shout-out for my Canuck fan(s):  You can visit the Coffee Association of Canada, whose mission is to “enhance the coffee beverage experience by providing members and consumers with opportunities to improve coffee beverage knowledge and skills.”  Aw…that’s so sweet!  Canadians are cute.

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