Monday, March 7, 2011

Half Full, Huh? Good Luck With That.

"Defensive pessimists prepare for a situation by setting low expectations for themselves, then follow up with a very detailed assessment of everything that may go wrong." Once they've imagined the full range of bad outcomes, they start figuring out how they'll handle them, and that gives them a sense of control. So says Julie K. Norem, PhD, a professor of psychology at Wellesley College and author of unbelievably affirming book: The Positive Power of Negative Thinking.

You know what? This is an A #1 fine way to live. I am a defensive pessimist and I make no apologies. If you want to know why, see Friday’s Slap Face post about heart health and being unapologetic. If you didn’t read Friday’s...whatever, I’m not surprised. I’m a defensive pessimist so I never thought you would in the first place. 

"Research shows that if you pressure defensive pessimists into being optimistic, or try to manipulate their mood, their performance deteriorates," says Andrew J. Elliot, PhD, professor of psychology at the University of Rochester, so don’t ask me to change because I’m not going to. 

I think it's pretty clear that I'm WILDLY successful the way I am.

I already know you hate this blog. You’re wondering why you’ve read this far and thinking to yourself, “Well, here’s 42 seconds of my life I’m never getting back…” and if it’s taken you more than 42 seconds to read this far, then I extra don’t feel bad anymore. You need remedial help and I feel superior.

Anyway, back to why this blog sucks. If I assume that you hate this blog, will never return and never recommend it to your friends, then I have NOWHERE to go but up! You can’t possibly disappoint me because I’ve already assumed your extreme disapproval. So when in fact (or not, let’s not get carried away) you DO like this blog, DO return for more, and DO recommend it to your friends…well, WOW!! How great will that be for me?

Do you see that by always expecting the worst and most awful, I am inherently prepared to be thrilled? I can’t ever be let down because I presume you all suck and so does everything around me. I’m not waiting for the other shoe to drop. It already did! I’m happily surprised if someone picks it up. 

I killed my inner Pollyanna years ago. 

Maybe it happened when my parents divorced; maybe it was after I watched The Little Match Girl on TV. I don’t know when Miss Polly died, but she did and it’s been great for me ever since. I am rarely, if EVER, disappointed by life or the people in it because honestly, who ever promised me it would be great? The founding fathers were drunk. 

Anyway, I had a really busy weekend so I’m phoning this one in…it doesn’t matter because no one reads or cares what I have to say.  Aaah, freedom.

The fine print, because I give only very SMALL credit for other people's work:
Quoted text excerpted from OPRAH….at

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