Tuesday, April 26, 2011

Hair. And Other Nonsense.

Women shave their hair.  Some women shave, or have removed by other means, almost every hair on their bodies.  Here are some of the places women remove hair:  eyebrows, upper lip, chin, arms, armpits, bikini area, entire area bikini covers, and legs.  If there are more areas I don’t want to know them. Don’t tell me.

It’s crazy, because what do we do AFTER all this hair is removed?  Put on fake eyelashes, color in what’s left of our eyebrows, add extensions to our heads and cover ourselves with another animal's fur coat (fake hair I hope).

Why on Earth do we remove almost every hair on our bodies, only to add back fake hair? What are we thinking?

Here are a few other idiotic things we, as people not just women, do:

Peel bananas and put them in cellophane. Peel oranges and put them in cans with orange juice. Bleach flour of nutrients and then enrich it. Wean human babies from human milk so we can put them on a cow-baby’s milk. BUY water….(this might not seem silly to you if you don't live in the USA where most of the municipal water supply is fan-freakin-tastic, and FREE!)

Eww. This is FREE water. Gross.

Some of this makes sense when you think of the big picture and the notion that we’re feeding a gi-mantic nation. Canned oranges last longer on a shelf. But why do I shave my armpits so I can wear a fur coat?  And why do we feed our children the breast milk of another animal? Goats don’t drink cow milk, cows don’t drink ape milk, dogs and cats don’t drink each other’s milk but we drink bovine breast milk…..like, A LOT OF IT!

We’re such a weird species.

We BUY books on how to cope with and simplify our lives.  It’s a billion dollar industry, this “being happy and living with less” notion…BUY THE BOOK!!

We are the fattest gobs of humanity on the globe but we have a multi-billion dollar industry teaching us how to lose weight.  Honestly, we were healthier when no one gave us a pyramid or chart to TELL us how to eat.  How DID humanity make it past the caves without Dr. Adkins, or the Skinny Bitches??

And don’t even get me started on golf courses…digging up an area so we can plant grass and then chase a tiny white ball all over it? You’ve got to be kidding me.  (Apologies if Tiger Woods is a reader…)

We do it with everything.  Dig up those yellow flowers that pop up everywhere, and plant something different! Why, if it grows there by itself it must be a weed, a parasite… Don’t you find it strange that we’re such a God fearing and God loving culture yet we seem to think WE know better when it comes to natural things?

We forget that people ate before anyone told them how to, that it wasn’t gross to feed a human baby human milk, that trees and flowers were allowed to grow where they should, and HAIR grew where it damn well pleased!

Although, to be fair, I AM in favor of a well placed razor blade every now and then.

Insert photo of your choice here.

(I Google searched "razorblades" and got pretty skeeved out by the results.)
(Here's one.)

Do NOT try this
at home...
or anywhere else.


*Photo credits: enviroblog.org, spencerart.ku.edu, yousaytoo.com, cheezburger.com

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