Monday, April 4, 2011

Quit Being Foolish!


Of course by foolish I mean: fool-able.  Do you ever feel you’re being lead by the nose? That you’re just droning along doing whatever you’re told like a good little sheep? And if we’re not, why does everyone in advertising think we ARE?

Case #1-  MTV, or MUSIC television as it used to be known in the days of yore, now shows music only in its commercials.  What you CANNOT miss is Jersey Shore, that “reality series” which is only reality to the people who are pretending to live it…after that, your brain is mush so you’ll watch pretty much anything they put on.

Case#2-  Rogaine's new TV campaign sells its product to “GUYS”…not men.  Dude! It’s hip to be balding!! As long as you’re buying their particular something to fix it.  Youngsters with loads of vim and vigor are using it and so should YOU!!  However...

Case #3-  Touch of Gray, is for MEN…because they’re distinguished, by which I of course mean, OLD. And they want to look like Rogaine users…just with a smidgen of majesty and education.

Case #4- Any primetime NBC show. Seriously, it’s groundbreaking. A series that’s changing everything. THE ONE everyone will be talking about.  FOR EVER. Do not miss it for any reason ever at all.  Or if you do miss it, DVR it.  Then you can watch it whenever you want.

Case #5- Every single remake movie out now, which is pretty much everything on film. Why are we buying all these tickets to movies we’ve already seen? Why are we still fooled into thinking we can’t miss it? (And on this one I’m full of lies, because I ADORE Russell Brand, so as dumb as it may be, I’m seeing "Arthur"…hypocritical? YES! Who cares, I’m the writer here.)

Case #6- Any piece of electronic equipment made by any company anywhere. You do not have the latest and greatest. The latest and greatest phone, music player, movie player,  game, gps device, tv or stereo is on a desk in a building and is being played with by the techies.  What companies are advertising is the one they got bored with before the one they’re playing with right now.  Sure I’ll buy it, but with the full knowledge that in six months the dudes will get sick of the one they’ve got now and THAT will be what they tell me to buy.

Case #7-  Ringling Brothers, Barnum and Bailey Circus.  This one is what started me down this path.  I went to a museum in my town last week and they had an exhibit on the circus…and we laughed our heads off at how outlandish the ads were.


THE sensation of the century!

Everything was “the greatest”, “the world’s most”, and “positively the most” of anything you can imagine.  The circus is still advertised as “The greatest show on Earth”…and is there any possible way this is true? Because I’ve seen Jersey Shore, and I’ve been told that THAT is the greatest show on Earth….from the channel with all the newest videos.

Some other things to ponder:  Why do things still cost $14.95? Isn’t that really just $15?  More if you live in a state with sales tax? Can’t we be honest with each other and say what it is? Why do I have to be glad handed all the freaking time?

This blog isn’t the best! It’s probably not even marginal! But read it anyway.

See?  How refreshing. That was an honest assessment. I don’t pretend to have anything of WORTH to say, but honestly.  Who cares about that? You’ve got some time to kill and SOMETIMES I say things you like, so why not take 14 point 95 minutes and see what I think?

In all other cases, why does anyone think we’re buying it?!? Are we? I can’t believe we’re that foolish.

So what if Rogaine said, “Hey, if you’re a male who’s losing his hair, our product has been scientifically proven to regrow hair in 85% of men who use it. So it’s a pretty good chance that it’s going to work for you. And we’ve priced it at a nice even $20 a shot, so you won’t break the bank on the gamble. Give us a try.”

They’re talking to men who are balding, and WANT to regrow some hair!  It seems like that’s a pretty captive audience.

And NBC could always just muscle up and tell me that “The Office will have moments that leave you cracking up” rather than promising 30 solid  minutes of non-stop asthma inducing riotous laughing, and only delivering on 6 or 7 solid jokes.

Seriously, Ringling Brothers…we have YouTube now and I can all but promise that you’re NOT the greatest show on earth, so why not fess up to your $15 cotton candy and sell us on the acrobatics and the fact that we’ll see an elephant sit on a beach ball, huh? That’s not something we see every day.

How great is the new Miracle Whip ad campaign? I love that they’re readily admitting that at least half the buying/eating population thinks their product is sour slime. They don’t feel like they HAVE to be everyone’s favorite…and they’re offering me a free sample of something I already think I don’t like! I’m probably going to ask for one and try it again because they’ve called me out on being one of the people who don’t like it! GENIUS.

So where do we go from here?  Easy! 

Tell your friends! Dirty Words is back and it’s no better than it ever was! You can easily miss a post because it doesn’t disappear, and it’s free so you can shut your damn trap if you don’t like what you read!!

See you Wednesday with a post that you’ll hopefully like.

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