Tuesday, June 14, 2011

Idiocracy


Once in a blue moon an idea comes to me in a flash.  Most of the time it’s like pulling teeth to get something worth its weight and I just draw a blank…

Right off the bat, let’s be clear: I don’t have the foggiest notion how this ball of wax will rate but let’s give it the college try because I’ve been told there’s more than one way to skin a cat, and I just want you to be happy.  I’ve also been told not to shave a bald kitty…but I don’t know what that means.

Sometimes you come here for a tongue lashing, a slap on the wrist, or to see what bee I’ve got in my bonnet.  And I know this is a tired tale that you think you’ve read before under the guise of cliché…but for the record: this one’s a whole different ballgame. 

These are idioms, you idiot. 

Are you picking up what I’m putting down, or have I come out of left field leaving you feeling like you’re up the creek without a paddle?  Fear not pals, the ball’s in your court!  You can read this or not and that’s an open and shut case.  There are plenty of fish in the sea if you don’t care for this and I’ll be cool as a cucumber about it. On the other hand, you know I’m always fishing for compliments, and I have a mind like a steel trap and the memory of an elephant so let’s get all hands on deck and give me a round of applause, old school.

This blog is small potatoes compared to what’s out there and I’m just happy as a clam that you’re here reading, giving me a fair shake.  I don’t like to whitewash the truth or jump to conclusions, unless it’s funny, and I strive to roll with the punches.  I hate when someone jumps the gun because there’s nothing worse than having egg on your face.

So if you’re having a bad hair day, if someone’s being a fly in your ointment, or you just feel like all you’re doing is running interference, then I hope this has made you crack a smile.  I’d hate to be a bonehead.

HOLY MACKEREL!  Stick a fork in this!  We’re done.


HERE IS A TRANSLATION!! 

(Warning, for my 2 or 3 non-native speakers…know this: it’s not even a little bit funny to read the literal version.)

Occasionally I get an idea easily.  Most of the time it’s very difficult and I can’t think of anything.

Let me tell you right away in clear language:  I don’t know how well you’ll like this but I’m going to try my best because I’ve been told that there are different ways to accomplish the same task, and I just want you to be happy.  I’ve also been told not to shave a bald kitty…but I don’t know what that means.

Sometimes you come here to read serious things or see what idea or concept is making me angry or frustrated.  And I know you may think this is something that has been written before under the title of Clichés: The Whole Kit and Caboodle…but to make it known, this post is completely different.

These are idioms, you idiot.

Do you understand, or are you confused?  Fear not pals, you are in control! You can read this or not and that’s a fact.  There are many other blogs on the Internet and if you don’t like this, I won’t be angry.  Although I always like praise and when I learn something it stays in my memory so everyone should come here and praise me, like when we were much younger.

This blog is not important compared to what else you can read and I’m very happy that you’re here reading, giving me a chance to try and make you laugh.  I don’t like to make things appear better than they are or assume an answer before I know facts, unless it’s funny, and I strive to be good natured and calm.  I hate when someone assumes an answer because there’s nothing worse than appearing to be a foolish person.

So if your day is bad, someone is frustrating you, or you don’t feel like you’re accomplishing anything, then I hope this has made you smile a little bit.  I’d hate to be stupid.

WOW!  This task is finished!  We’re finished with this task.


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