Tuesday, July 19, 2011

Birthdays and What I Know


Oprah is striking again…at the end of her magazines, at least what I remember because despite her taking my money I am still waiting for an issue, the Most Honorable Winfrey ends with an anecdote of what she knows for sure. I guess I know some things for sure at this point, although I’m pretty confident that whatever I think I know right now will be different five years from now. So that’s already one thing I know for sure.

Here are a few other things I know for sure:

Fat-free cream cheese is an oxymoron. Unless you’re using the word “cream” as a verb, it has an inherent meaning of FAT. So fat-free cream cheese is an abomination of nature and can be proved by the fact that my dog won’t eat it.

The carton of blueberries should not have to tell me that they are a “cholesterol free food.” Even if blueberries HAD cholesterol in them by some magical feat of science, so what? They’re blueberries!! You can’t make a blueberry bad.

Bacon is never wrong. But that’s not really something I needed to tell you, I’m sure. My birthday BLT is being cooked as I type; I'm really hungry!!

This is pure concentrated genius.

I also know FOR SURE that if you take Grandma on vacation with you don’t be surprised to look back at your condo from the beach and see your laundry, including unmentionables, hanging from the balcony to dry. Grandma grew up during the Depression and knows the benefits of hand washing on vacation. Who needs beachy relaxation anyway?

Jewelry is always, and I do mean always, the answer.

This is all you get today because I’m not spending a lot of time here. It’s my birthday and another thing I know for sure is that on this day I don’t have to strain my brain to make you laugh…I’m practically positive you’re supposed to do that for me.

So get on it!!

http://www.birthdaycakescenter.info/tag/happy, www.annetaintor.com, www.70sbig.com

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