Tuesday, August 23, 2011

It's Your Senior Year - New Boobs?

Where's Rosie the Riveter now?

Many people want to look as good as they feel when they're 75 years old.


Based on how I feel NOW, at my age, which is less than 75 by almost half…I think I look better than I feel already! But there’s a new trend out there, if the morning shows are correct, for senior citizens to be having plastic surgeries like body sculpting and breast implants.

In an interview with ABC's Good Morning America, Phyllis Porter (who's EIGHTY!) said:

"All my life I did things I was supposed to do," Porter said. "Never had sex until I was married — that's kind of rare nowadays. I always was conventional. I always did what I was supposed to do. Now I'm going to do what I want to do. I've earned the privilege. That's the way I feel."

Are you kidding me with this? That's so much more information than anyone of her generation should ever share. MY WORD. That's the sort of the thing a 19 year old tweets...with pictures of course...but not grandma!

How will we know who’s got gum and mints in their pocket, memories of when all you did was stare at the sun for fun, or had to have a coupon for a gallon of gas, if there aren’t wrinkles and sagging breasteses? 

Honestly, there are rules.

Old people should be seen and not heard, even though I'm sure they're talking; probably about stuff they've already told me twenty times. And they should really only be seen when it's a birthday or special occasion because, let's face it, no one wants to be reminded of their own mortality...that's sad.

People over “a certain age,” for these purposes 70, should be old codgers. Walking burlap sacks if you will. Or sitting burlap sacks…because they’re all in wheelchairs. I’m not one to be age biased, but who needs a bunch of old, vibrant, healthy adults walking around looking good and feeling good? That’s just poor taste.

It's like they're trying to tell us something....

*Photos: thehotglove.com, the Travolta dude credits himself, and try Googling "old people bird" and see what your browser page looks like...that's where I got the last one.

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