|Photo: Allison Dyskstra|
I'm so busy today I can't see straight. I've got a million things to do before the day's end so quit being a pea brain and get off my back.
Some days take forever and even the leaves dancing in the breeze aren't enough to shake you from your cage. That's the day I'm having, so this one is being written super fast because I'm greased lightning when it comes to building sandcastles out of air. You probably think this joke is so overdone you can use it for a hockey puck but I beg to differ.
The responsibility of making you laugh week after week weighs a ton and if I can't make it happen I'll die. So even though you have hundreds of other things to do, I'm glad you jumped off the track to read this. You might not know it but the whole world is staring at me...waiting for a laugh. That's a mountain of pressure and it'd be the crime of the century if I couldn't deliver.
But I'm fine with all that because this is greatest blog post of all time. Signed in blood.
I'll tell a hundred people right now that if you don't love hyperbole then knock me over with a feather, alright? I'd give my right arm to make you laugh your ass off, and that's no joke. If you think it's easy to write these little grammar gems, then you're usually right. But I'd rather have a root canal than write hyperbolic-ally, because everyone knows I NEVER EVER exaggerate.
Anyway, happy Tuesday everyone. I have to eat breakfast because I'm starving to death and then I have to take a nap. After writing this, I could sleep for a week.