Friday, September 30, 2011

Slapping the Girl Inside My Head!

Check her out. You'd slap her too.
Photo: Millie and Andrea
from the album "Temper Tantrum"
Lately I've been feeling really stupid. 

I don't mean that I think I can't do anything right, but there are two things that are important to me that I have been positive would be easy. Pieces of cake, as it were. (See Idioms...) However, these two things have not been easy and have, in fact, been more work than my tender heart can handle.

Who gets to be in charge when "it" isn't as easy as you, me, we thought it would be? Read on, friends.

This week has been a struggle and there have been more moments of self-doubt and negative inner monologue than my psychic adult usually allows. Generally I can shut the little kid voice right up and remind her that we're all the same in our heads. Her cries of woe aren't different than anyone else's. 

But not this week.

This week my inner brat has been having a full on, room crashing, brain rattling temper tantrum that just doesn't want to quit. I've put her in time-out (read: glass of wine) I've talked to her in even tempered tones and explained how the wide world works and how we're all the same, I've even yelled at her for being so stupid as to call herself stupid.

The brat is getting the best of me and I'm letting her derail my plans for myself. Why the hell does she get so much power?

Deepak Chopra (courtesy of Dr. Oprah, Ph.Diety) told me this:  

"stand back and be objective. If a good friend came to you with the same guilt you feel right now, what would you tell your friend to do? Don't aim in the dark. Don't offer a big answer to make your friend go away."
Read more here.

That means: do as you say, not as you do. Come up with a real piece of loving advice and then give it to yourself.

It's very difficult to speak to ourselves the way we'd speak to someone else we care about, and we'd certainly never let someone talk to us the way we speak to ourselves. But what if "it" feels like too much work, and the inner brat starts the wind up to the full blown melt down? What do we do?

What do you do?

Does the little kid win? This week, for me, she has. She has worn me down and taken the life right out of me. Too bad her room is still in my brain, because even when I send her there I can still hear her kicking and screaming. She's telling me that if I were any good at what I want to do then it would come easily; I'd take no criticism and I wouldn't have to work hard. I am agreeing with her even though I know she's a baby brat who just wants to eat Popsicles and see her name in magazines and be on Oprah's talk show.

Today I am putting the brat outside to play. She and I need some fresh air in this brain and psyche of off she goes. 

I just hope she doesn't stand outside banging at the door.

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