Tuesday, October 4, 2011

Stop being a wuss.

I'm gonna git you sucka!

I'm very busy these days with a hectic, on the go lifestyle. I'm a woman of the 00's (double aughts to people in the know) and I have places to be and people to influence. 

But I don't want you to feel neglected, so here is a list of things that you might think are scary, but really aren't. It's Halloween month, after all...and I'm NOTHING if not timely.

1- Eating bugs. Bugs aren't scary to eat, especially if you like Doritos (tm!). Where do you think all that cool ranch color comes from?!?  Beetles, that's where. 

2- A mammogram. (It's also breast cancer awareness month..see??  TIMELY!) You go, you get your ta-ta squashed for 32 seconds and someone tells you if you are going to live or die. Seriously...32 seconds....to save your life. Not scary.

3- A prostate exam. LOL! That's not scary, it's funny!! Poor boys have to have a prostate exam after they're like 50 or something. And it's such a big deal...well boys, if the truth is told you actually sort of want us to do one on birthdays and anniversaries anyway. Buck up buttercups! 

4- Basements. 
   -4a- Attics.  These two places are simply levels of your home with more dust and less light. Why is that scary? Not scary.

5- Nickelback. THIS IS A BOLD FACE LIE. Nickelback IS scary and you should avoid them/it at all costs. They kill llamas, and that's just a fact.

6- Birds in public eating places. They might be annoying but contrary to what some people fear, they aren't going to land on your shoulder and peck at your eyeball. Imagine how completely idiotic you'd have to be to allow that to happen. Not scary.

7- People who are so idiotic as to allow a bird to perch on their shoulder and sit quietly while a bird pecks out their eyeball. This isn't scary so much as troublesome and oddly intriguing.

Anyway, that's seven things and research suggests that seven is the number where you feel satisfied but not yet bored. I just made that up.

Happy Tuesday people!

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