Friday, December 2, 2011

Punch your face Friday

Because sometimes a slap isn't good enough.

Photo: Flickr, via Slightlynorth

Horse meat is on the menu. Thank you very much President Obama. I guess TODAY, this day, this very minute, I can go to McDonald's and order a Mr. Ed special, with pickles and special sauce. And it's all thanks directly to the Presidential decree by Obama, who everyone knows is a Muslim fascist America hater.

Oh WAIT. CONGRESS....CONGRESS (Republican controlled CONGRESS) presented a spending bill to the President, in order to keep the government running through the end of the year. 

Republican controlled CONGRESS, which for those of us who don't know- is made up of FOUR HUNDRED AND THIRTY FIVE PEOPLE, the majority of whom are Republican, gave the President a bill which, among many many other things, lifted a ban on horse slaughter for consumption. The President signed the bill, and we continue to have a government running.

And now according to news outlets and Facebook and Twitter, the President (fascist anti-American Muslim devil that he is) is going to force all of us to murder horses and start eating them at every meal. Hang on pals...I don't eat horses. I only eat inhumanely, grotesquely raised and slaughtered pigs, chickens, cows, fish, and baby cows who are chained to floors so I can experience unparalleled tenderness. My G-d. I will NOT eat a horse. That's gross.

Does anyone see where I'm going here?

Have we lost all sight of the wars we're fighting? Of the economy in the shitter and people being tossed out of their homes? Have we completely forgotten that the homeless population is going to grow by leaps and bounds and children are going to fall through the massive cracks in our education system?

Or do we really care that much that a ban on slaughter has been lifted? We slaughter millions of animals every single day. We eat them. Do I want to eat a horse? No. Absolutely not. I don't want to eat a dog, or a cat, or a human, or a human baby who's been chained to a floor for exceptional tenderness. 

But as you choke down that piece of ground up cattle, sweet Bessie with the deep soulful eyes, or your ground up Wilbur on that Sausage and Egg breakfast muffin...I hope you can at the very least acknowledge either your hypocrisy or your total ignorance. And then please turn your attention to actual facts, actual matters and the pursuit of actual solutions. Or at least stop talking and go back to posting or looking at pictures of the all the deer people are killing right now. I just LOVE reading about people's righteous indignation over horses as they steady a dead deer's head in their hands so someone can take the prize-winning photo. How about all the pictures of people holding a dead fish by it's gills so we can all see that our rivers, lakes, streams and oceans are being rid of mature wild life? 

Simply lifting a ban, that has only been in place since 2007, does not mean that we're all going to be eating horses followed by the natural hysterical consequence of eating our other pets and then each other. That's not how life works. If we don't want to eat horses then no one will serve us horses. 

I certainly hope there's a Congressional ban to prevent the wholesale slaughter of blue eyed babies...because if not, I guess I'll just have to start ordering those at restaurants too. Thanks a lot Obama.

PS...and just to be clear: I don't hate animals. I hate people.

1 comment:

  1. Ahahaha!!!! This is a great punch. I love you Liz and your way of hating people enough to want to save them... and all the horsies and Bambis as well.

    Dang, I'll have to go back and post your blog about nail polish names... that was a finely lacquered piece of prose.