Thursday, December 22, 2011

Smack me with a rufie

I'm not in a bad mood about anything. It has nothing to do with Santa, the trimmings on the tree or massive quantities of booze. There is so much that SHOULD be pissing me off right now because, near as I can tell, the world is still headed straight to hell in an overpriced Longaberger basket..but I just can't muster the ill-will towards it. My compassion-cup overfloweth, as it were.

And I might be really late to the game, but I read something that makes me positively giddy:  Nick Nolte rufies himself.

Did you read that?
Nick Nolte gives his own self date rape drugs!
Holy crap!! It's like the baby Jesus in his swaddling clothes looked down and said, "Liz...this one's for you."

(Okay, full disclosure on GHB- the actual initials for rufies- it has legitimate medical uses like: general anesthetic, treatment for insomnia, depression, narcolepsy and alcoholism....and also a date rape drug.)

So, while I COULD be focusing on the national debt and the incessant adolescent playground antics of my elected officials, women's health issues, the legal rights of American citizens to marry freely, animal cruelty issues, or the world-over crisis of food shortages, I instead plan to turn my FULL attention to the fact that Nick Nolte tried to date rape himself. And got caught, and gave the world the most infamous "mug shot" ever. That's his story and he's sticking to it. 

It's lead me to wonder, "How does one date rape one's own self?"  

For those of you who've never been rufied, let me explain something, and you can draw whatever conclusions you want from this...I'm not in charge of what you think. GHB, when given in an unsuspecting woman's wine glass, knocks her OUT. Well, not at first. You've got some time to work your magic and get her to a location where the crime you intend to commit can be carried out. By then she's lost the ability to defend herself, to stay standing up, or talk much. And if you're that kind of lecherous shitbag, then you've done well.

Anyhoo....knowing now what you do about rufies, are you wondering why Nick Nolte drinks liquid GHB in cranberry juice, and then heads out to an AA meeting? Do you see now why it feels like heaven itself sent me holiday cheer?!? 

What is wrong with people?

First off, he's made a really big logistical error: You can't date rape yourself in the safety of an AA meeting. That's like...posted on the wall of the meeting room or something.
Secondly, you kind of can't rape any locale. And I'm not providing a map on why that's not possible.
Thirdly, what fun is ANYTHING if you can't remember it?!?

So, if it's the 4th night of Hanukkah for you--thank Hanukkah Harry. He sent a gift that is unparalleled, and quite frankly, not usual for Hanukkah gift giving. If it's Christmas Eve eve, then thank Santa for the early gifts of smacking your head and laughter. And if it's just Friday then go ahead and thank ME (in fact, everyone thank me anyway) because Nick Nolte self-rufie-ing might have just restored your will to live. 

1 comment:

  1. Lecherous shitbag!!!!! My new favorite adjective! You kill e old friend! Great work!