Tuesday, January 31, 2012

Spelling: hoo karez?

(Up front, let me offer a disclaimer: this one is going to murder my soul, but I'm doing it anyway.)

Eye had no ideeah whut two right today. Its hard too think of things two say over and over again. Peopel want me to come up with new things evry week like its no biggy. Butt it is. It is a biggy. My bran doesnt work that weigh all the thyme.

Its really rediculous how sum peopel think the english language is spellt. And they kinda get away with it. 

Lord have mercy on my soul, I can't do it. My pal Jenny Horowitz, trolley dolley, super hilarious and general swell gal (an Isrealite, you know...) sent me down this path and I thought I could handle it, but I can't. I wanted to do good work for you, because the narcissist in me wants to be embedded in your memory forever. But misspelling every word won't do that. There has to be a different way!!

I got another suggestion from my pal, Mike B, to discuss a woman's "period" and the semantic conundrum of calling it that. And while a recent post on Facebook by my friend Emily T points out that people in Oklahoma can leave high school without working knowledge of human biology, I'm not sure there's anything funny about that. (Okay, listening to someone who went to school in Oklahoma is HILARIOUS, I'll give you that...it's probably a worldwide fact that everyone acknowledges.) Here's the pic:

Finally, I got a suggestion to talk about detoxing; which really just means crapping your brains out (thanks Shelia H!) and while I'm all for a good movement where possible I don't feel very snarky or funny about it. What to do?

Here's what I've done: a little of everything and yet nothing at all! But you've read a post and I wrote a post and this is a post. Mission accomplished.

Have I wasted your time? OF COURSE I HAVE! That's what's so funny! 

Anyway, this might not be the funniest, wittiest or best thing you read all day, week, month, year, ever in all of your lifetime...but side note: you should try it if you think you can do better. Otherwise, shut up and go get a biology book. From the looks of that map, most of you out there have no clue where your lungs are or why it is a woman can bleed for a week and still live. And you should probably find out just how much colon you'll be cleansing before you buy that detox powder.

Just sayin'.

1 comment:

  1. LOL!I love it! The spelling thing slays me too!
    BTW, Go Indiana!;)