Tuesday, February 21, 2012

Mean reds and expectations

Wire sculpture by Reynaldo Molina

Here's the thing: everyone (and I do mean 100% of all people, everywhere, in all times, all through history in every situation and walk life ever ever ever) have felt like kids stuck in adult bodies. At least I'm pretty sure some people feel that way sometimes. Oh my God, this is Tuesday and I don't have to say anything with proof. Stop reading if you want fact-based ramblings.

This morning I woke up and I hated it. That's right. I hated IT...the waking up. I don't mean that I didn't want to get up and go to work, because I love my job and the people with whom I work. That's not kissing up because I haven't brushed my teeth yet despite the early afternoon hour. I hated the actual act of waking up...of being conscious on this day. For no reason. It's a very terrible way to way to wake up and it's an equally very terrible way to stay once you realize that it's what's going to KEEP you up. So I did what any good pill-head does, and I medicated myself back to sleep. When I woke up three hours later, I still felt pretty pissed about being awake but maybe not so vehemently.

I had a headache, which I still have, and so my day of mean reds commenced in earnest. Truman Capote had it right on when he coined the phrase "mean reds" because that's precisely what these are. Except that the world doesn't care about my reds. The world expects that once we're adults, we bully through the reds and the racing hearts, and the utter dissolution of will to live, and buck up. There's work to be done. People want production not ....opposite of production. To lie around in bed as an adult is to be childish and dramatic. 

So that's what I'm being today: childish and dramatic. And if you don't like it then you just hate me and why was I ever even born!! I'm sooooo sorry. (See? Drama!!) Drama helps to lessen the mean reds by approximately 4 teaspoons.

I have no point at all today. I'm not producing today. I'm just showing up, to prove that eventually the adult will return, but mostly just to make an ass of myself because today I'm a 14 year old girl stuck in this older (by an indeterminate amount of years) body. That's life, I guess. We're all kids stuck in adult bodies. 

Who wants to eat Doritos and cream cheese with me?


  1. never heard it called the mean reds... but that fits. When I feel like checking out for a day, I usually... just do. The rule that says now that we are over 21 we have to constantly exist in a world of production and business every waking moment is bogus. Sometimes you have to refill the well. and sometimes you have to tell the "rules" to go take a big f'ing leap.

    But I hope when you do check out, you at least come back feeling better :)

  2. Still working on it Laurie! I'm telling the rules to take a fucking leap.