Tuesday, February 7, 2012

Sugar tax me!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!  (Unless you're poor...in which case, screw off.)
Photo: donbuciak via Flickr

Awesome. Fat, lazy, stupid Americans are at it again. Of course I don't mean YOU, unless after reading this you realize that I do...in which case, let me say, "BACK OFF!"

There is talk, among some states and some legislaturists, about making sugary food items taxable and unavailable to those on "food stamps" (or what is now usually a debit card containing government dollars for the procurement of food but not things like toilet paper, tooth paste, diapers, cleaning supplies, ibuprofen, paper towels or laundry detergent.) And why SHOULD poor people be allowed to eat Oreos?? Doesn't it just piss you off to no end when a poor person gets to eat a steak and you're stuck with ground beef? You work all day and you can only afford the ground chuck...the 85/15 no less!!

And here is this lazy, poor person getting a free Angus, super prime cut of meat. THEY ARE LIVING IN THE VERY LAP OF LUXURY!!! And of course we all know that every single (every single) person receiving government assistance is a good-for-nothing drain on society and not, say....someone whose husband was almost fatally injured in Iraq or Afghanistan and now lives with debilitating traumatic brain injury, or a mom who left a husband who was abusing her children and herself within an inch of their lives and got away but is now rebuilding her life. And I can assert with 100% confidence that NOT ONE SINGLE woman standing in line buying her steak is the mother of a severely disabled child who needs round the clock care, and who made the life affirming action to "choose life" and have that baby to love and nurture. It is an absolute certain fact that every single person in the United States of America who receives government assistance is a bleeding leach on society and we're working our asses off to support their extravagant lifestyles. They're probably eating HORSE three times a week!!!

Let's remove all forms of soda, candy, cookies, lunch treats like fruit snacks, most breakfast cereals, birthday cakes...and anything just a teeny bit fun from their meager list of things they can buy. Poor two year-olds don't deserve cake financed by the tax payer. They're POOR! I certainly hope none of these people is a diabetic who needs the occasional sugar item to keep from entering a coma, because Gawdsakes, I'm a hard working tax payer and I'll be damned if I'm paying for Jolly Ranchers.

Plus, Americans are fat. So really the only way to slim us down is to put us in a sugar time-out and make us pay out the nose for it. Certainly in all cases, raising the prices forces us to stop buying things that are bad for us. You never see cigarettes anywhere. Or liquor. Or Hummers. I mean, we learn our lessons pretty quickly when you assess a tax to show us something is bad or unhealthy. 

And I'm fairly certain (though not as certain as I am about the parasitic poor) that if the government could keep those dollars now being spent on sugar foods, we'd be home free! The deficit would be gone, we could amp up our war mongering efforts again, and the under served, underrepresented rich could FINALLY (and I do mean finally) get the tax break they are suffocating without. 

Tax the sugar! Restrict the sugar! Also the prime meat, and the Boar's head lunch meat, and the Jif peanut butter! Make them eat store brands only, expired foods and tuna from a can! I'm sick of poor people getting all the good stuff.

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