Tuesday, March 6, 2012

A rose by any other name....

...is a different flower, duh.

Thanks, Roald Dahl!

With all due respect, I have to (pretend) disagree. I'm pretty sure if I ever see someone who has a wonky nose, stick-out teeth, a double chin, crooked mouth, AND sunbeams shooting out that wreck of a face....it's not lovely.

Here are some other things that aren't lovely no matter how you dress them up:

-Colonoscopies. They save your life and you HAVE to have one...but you also have to crap your brains out (literally) for 24 hours prior and then, let's face it...someone putting a camera 3 feet up your back door isn't lovely. Necessary? Sure. Lovely? Not on your just saved life, pal.

- A rotted roadkill carcass. You can take a dead raccoon and put it in a pink tu-tu, but it's still just a dead raccoon that you found on the side of the road.

- Nickelback. They kill llamas and they suck. You can speed 'em up, slow 'em down...but in the end they're just colonoscopy fodder.

- A rogue hair. That hair may belong to a stunning woman...but once it's on the floor, or table, or in your oatmeal, it's nastiness exemplified. Why is that, do you suppose?

- People who can turn their eyelids inside out. These people should be sent to live on a island somewhere...but they should have colonoscopies first....while listening to Nickelback. 

So that's five, a nice odd number. It's Super Tuesday in my hemisphere so Imma go tune in and see who my Republican counterparts have chosen. 

Lovely?  NO.

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