So it's the day before my self-imposed deadline and I'm sitting here without anything substantive, exposed as an obvious fraud. This feeling really pisses me off because it's inherently contradictory. For one thing it assumes that anyone out there cares what I post here and...I should really get over myself. Besides my good friends, who probably only read so I can't say they're shitty friends, who's out there thinking, "Oh man, I really hope Liz posts something this week...."?? I'm guessing no one. And that's FINE, because I don't need the pressure. But you see here how I've crossed over into the contradiction and now I'm putting it all down as garbage. And in a way, if you're reading this, I'm putting you down for being a consumer of crap.
AS IF THIS IS SOME SORT OF WALMART BLOG!!!
So now I'm faced with my humanity. I'm no different, right? Don't you have the same feelings when you have to "put something out there?" (Hopefully some "thing" that falls under the protection of your local legal code of conduct...don't be gross about it.) In my instance, the "thing" is a bunch of words that are supposed to make you have a reaction. And if you don't have the right reaction, then I'm a fraud. I assume that these are just the facts of life.
I'm not going to force it, because then it really is drivel and I do not want to offer you a cheap substitute for a real blog that either makes you laugh, or cry, or cry from laughing, or be mad at me for my bleeding heart liberalism, or think about something more than you've thought about it before. Instead, I'm going to tell you that it's really difficult to make things FOR people, to make things that people will like all the time, every time. I'm going to leave you this note about how the deadlines and expectations that we have of ourselves are probably higher than those imposed upon us from others, and it's okay to give yourself a break and just be.
We should be aware of ourselves, of others around us, and then live. Henry Miller had a few good things to say....and artist Lisa Congdon has some exceptional hand drawn and lettered artwork to go with those things.
Maybe my saying nothing, and letting others say it and draw it for me, says a lot. Perhaps I can let go of the notion that you're out there with a preconceived idea of what I should write and how I should write it, and allow that you are capable of finding whatever personal message you need each time. I'm going to breathe and be...and try to get out of the glass bottle that is my own ego. Wanna come with?
|You can buy this print at Lisa Congdon's etsy shop.|