Sunday, May 5, 2013

Being Super Stupid, or Why I'm Super Stupid

Another front runner for the title is "How Come I Keep Being SO Super Stupid?"

Here's how it works: You have a life experience and you think it sucks, so you decide to learn from it. Oh my, you ARE a grown up, aren't you? Now you can walk away from it and think very highly of yourself for a little bit as you puff up you chest and marvel in your own solid footing as a citizen of the earth.

And then some time passes and you fall back into being some kind of idiotic jackal of a human being and make all the same mistakes over again. Just this week I did like five things that I have sworn to never ever do again. For instance, this morning I ate bread pudding for breakfast which makes me feel like I've eaten seven bricks - the old skool kind, too; not today's new fangled bricks that crumble at the first magnitude 2.3 earthquake....

I got a tetanus shot on Friday and that flew directly in the face of my vow to never bow to peer pressure again and let anyone poke me unless we were in love. I mean, I didn't even know the nurse's name. And now my arm really hurts, which proves that being invasively poked by a stranger and allowing foreign fluids into your body NEVER works out well.

When making a meal plan for the week I have been determined to KEEP IT CHEAP. And yet, if you look carefully, there is shrimp on the menu. Shrimp! Like I'm a Rockefeller or something. (Also, like it's 1940...because who the hell are the Rockefellers anyway? I want to be a Kardashian, don't I? Or a baseball player's wife...God, I'm so stupid.) Anyway, shrimp.

And then there are the walls I keep walking right into. Not real walls, because I have eyeballs and a sense of space and time. At least on most days. No, the walls I mean are the ones I have constructed for my own frigging well being. The ones placed there when all the stars aligned to show me that my path need not go that way and I had four available brain cells to agree with the stars. Those walls.

Some days I walk by and think, "What dumbass put a wall right there? Imma take a look at what's on the other side." This is called "Being Super Stupid." It's "Why I'm Super Stupid." And it causes me to ask, "How Come I Keep Being SO Super Stupid?" Because I really never like what's on the other side of the wall I created for my own good health.

And then I end up getting arm STDs, buying shrimp and eating bread pudding for breakfast.

This one has it all: a wall, an STD, and peer pressure. 

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